Cellphone Radiation? Probably Worse For You Than Fukushima Because It's Stuck to Your Head!

That's right. Unless you live near or around the crippled Fukushima nuclear power plants, or the nearby areas affected, then there are many things that are much more dangerous to you and your families' well-being than crap spewing out of the Dai-ichi nuclear power plant.

People need to keep things in perspective. Of course the Fukushima nuclear accident is serious business. For me, I thank God I don't live there... Actually, no. That's not true. I thank me. I'd never live close to a nuclear power plant anyway. Neither would I live close to any sort of refinery, oil producing facilities or toxic waste dumps. I always questions the sanity of people who do... I always wonder why, when something bad happens, then the people who do live near these places complain as if they are surprised by disaster.


Seems to me disaster has a way of striking all around the world all the time.


Like I said, when it comes to your health and the welfare of your family, there's lots of things you should be concerned about... If you don't live near Fukushima then there's stuff going on all around you that just aren't as glamorous as nuclear accidents so they aren't reported by the main stream mass media, yet they have a much higher chance of ruining your health or your families' health than Fukushima ever could.


Here's a list of a few:


Did you know that For Every One Death Due to Nuclear Power, 4,000 Die Due to Coal? 


Or how about Benzene in Cars! This Will Kill More People Than Fukushima Will


And today's interesting tidbit comes from Activist Post. It is entitled Is Your Cell Phone Killing You?

An excellent infographic has been released, which covers many of the physical and mental health problems, as well as the financial burden sold to an increasing number of people who feel they "cannot live without" a cell phone.

As shown below, this obsession manifests in a myriad of ways that affect individual health and social interaction....

There is one other area key area that is not covered in the infographic, but is also worth mentioning -- the radiation effects of cell phones, especially on the young.

Experts have said that cell phones are capable of causing a number of health problems, including depression, infertility and damage to your DNA.

In 2011, the WHO/IARC released a report stating that cell phone radiation may have a carcinogenic effect on humans. In fact, the World Health Organization actually said that cell phones are in the same cancer-causing category as lead, engine exhaust, and chloroform. 

Considering the hundreds of millions who live thousands of miles away from Fukushima with how much they have a radioactive device stuck to their head all day, I'd say that this issue demands some serious consideration.

Here's more details and facts from this very interesting infographic:

1) More people can't live without their cell phone:

* The average person glances at their cell phone 150 times a day

* 68% of people experience phantom phone vibration when anticipating a phone call or notification

* 43% of iPhone users would go shoeless for a week rather than temporarily release their phones

* 22% would forego brushing their teeth

* 73% of people sleep with their cell phones

2) This obsession can lead to mental and health problems

* Fear and anxiety can increase coagulation and increase heart disease by a factor of four

* 57% feel anxiety when they run out of battery or credit or have no network coverage

* 70% of women and 61% of men fear losing their phones (it's called "nomophobia" or "no mobile phone phobia")

* 50% feel anxious when they don't have their mobile phone with them 

* 25% of nomophobia have experienced accidents while messaging or talking on the phone

3) Sleep deprivation

* People lose an average of 45 minutes a week of sleep due to cell phone usage

* 63% of smart phones users use a social networking site before going to bed

The article then goes on to suggest ways to fight back against cell phones (and I heartily agree!)

1) Turn off cell phones 45 minutes before bedtime to increase sleep quality

2) Take a trip unplugged! Go to where there is no TV, network or computers! 

3) Resist constantly checking your cell phone for messages. If it's important, then they will call you

May I add?:

4) Turn it off at meal time

5) Turn it off during meetings and when you are not at work

6) Never use if for an alarm clock

7) Turn off your cell phone for 12 hours a day, everyday

Cell phones are bad news. Not only are they bad for your health, they are ruining people's quality of life. 


One person commented to me that, "... they can't be as bad as breathing in Fukushima radiation..." To that another friend said, "No. You just shove them up a hole in your head and talk on them for hours..." Good point.

Turn those damned things off! 


Refer to this great video that I wrote about at New Year's in Turn off those digital devices and learn to live again:

Not only will turning off your cell phone for at least 12 hours a day improve your life, it will improve your health.


For a related article, please read: Radiation and Reason - the Impact of Science on a Culture of Fear 

Am I the Only Person Who Doesn't Care About the Grammy Awards?

The title to this blog says it all. Am I the only person who doesn't care about the Grammy Awards? I saw this comment on Facebook and was relieved that there is someone who thinks like me. Sometimes I've wondered if I am the only person in the entire world who doesn't care about this stuff and doesn't watch it. I don't care about the Academy Awards or the Oscars or the Super Bowl either. They are all boring.

Yes. That's what I said! B-O-R-I-N-G! Of course all professional sports are boring. And, since pro sports are big money entertainment, they aren't what they seem. Big money equals big corruption (or haven't you been paying attention?). Anyway, who cares if some professional team beats another one? They really have nothing to do with your city (besides a contract with a stadium or auditorium) and their winning will not change your life in the least. Still people think they care. 

I also don't like these awards shows because of their high-brow attitude. I don't like "snooty high-brow" anything whereby people try to act like they are important or the center of the world (or even the center of wherever it is that they are at in any given moment.) It's like the folks who are in a members-only club; I don't like it.

I sometimes get invited to join these members-only clubs. Chuckle. I always use the Groucho Marx quote: "I refuse to join any club that would allow people like me as a member."

"Whatever it is... I'm against it!"

Today, I got an email from a friend in Hollywood who produces independent music, videos and films. He wrote:

"Wow, trying to watch the Grammy's, you were correct. You would have contracted jet lag (coming to Los Angeles) just to be bored to death. I like some country music and was very into rap before it got big, I don't hate music for being popular, but this is so mindless and bloated - I don't feel bad these people are on a sinking ship. 

It's sad because pop music can be a great thing but they are trying to symbolically respond to things like Etta James and Whitney Houston dying but it reduces everything to packaged cheese."


Yes. That's it. Totally like packaged cheese! The Grammy's are boring because it is a bunch of people giving awards to themselves for turning music into packaged cheese... The ones who can ruin the music the most and make it into the most bland and tasteless cheese sold to the same people who like stuff like McDonald's food gets the awards.


Great! Watching milk curdle! What excitement.


And what's even worse is that there are people who live such boring and unsatisfying lives that they think they actually care about this stuff...


It's too bad people have such uninteresting lives that they find this sort of Bread & Circuses entertaining or gratifying in the least.

Perfect timing for a ratings boost.... And crocodile tears...

We live in a very sick society that is fascinated by idol worship. Too bad people don't go out and get a life.


I think your average kitchen toaster offers a better evening of entertainment than the Grammy Awards do.


Thanks to Mickey Valentine and James Valentine (I don't think they are any relation!) 

My Son Died Yesterday

Have you ever stopped to wonder just how close  - just how many seconds away - you or a loved one are from total and complete disaster? 

Specifically, I am talking about the disaster of death. The death of a loved one, a child, or even yourself? How often do you think about how different your world would be without that child or loved one? 


Perhaps I am strange because I think about these things often. Perhaps it's because I think I shouldn't be here and am very lucky to be here - I should be dead. I think this way because of past experiences and I often wonder what my purpose in life is.


I probably think about life and death more often than would be considered "healthy."


This might sound morbid, but I have a point to make to you, so bear with me: Have you ever stopped to appreciate how many times during the day that you or your child are just inches or seconds away from death? Really! Have you ever stopped to consider that accidents might be occurring all around us? The near miss, the "almosts" the "very lucky" near escapes? Some of these "missed" accidents should have happened but, by some miracle, large or small, didn't? 

I do think about these things a lot. In fact, I did just yesterday and I certainly didn't want to, nor did I expect to. I thought about it as we were having fun...


Yesterday, I saw my child's death not ten meters (yards) right in front of my face and there wasn't a thing I could do to stop it. He was dead on the spot. A truck hit him from behind and dragged his body 25 meters down the road under the tires...


Well, that's what could have happened. That's what did happen, excepting, by some twist of fate, by the grace of god, the truck was seconds past us and hurtling down the street. That's what I saw happening in my mind...


It was an ordinary Monday afternoon. We had just came home from school and my son wanted to ride his bike down to the river. He rarely rides his bike and I want him to enjoy sports and the outdoors more so I always encourage him to walk more and ride his bike more.

Yesterday was very close to being the last day we ever did this

Right now, though, it's the middle of winter here in Japan, and quite cold, so it seems strange that my son wants to suddenly ride his bike all the time. But, I didn't want to deny his wishes especially when I can't get him to ride enough.


We came home from school and bundled up in warm clothes and he put on his bicycle helmet and off we went. We usually ride down to Tamagawa river through a wonderful park trail that we call "the magic trail." We call it that because I haven't bothered to find out what the real name of the trail and park are.


It was a fun ride down to the end of the trail down by the river.


We headed back towards home. On the way back, we have to cross a busy street named "Tsutsumi Dori." This is a street that is cursed with quite heavy traffic. The speed limit is 40 kilometers per hour (about 24 mph) but, as drivers are wont to do, most people drive 50 to 60 kilometers per hour (between 30 ~ 40 mph). This doesn't sound too fast but trust me, in Japan roads are very narrow, and when a 8 ton truck rumbles by you not one meter (3 feet) from your head, you can feel their force and power. The trucks are there because there is a cement factory up the road so these large cement mixer trucks are often barrelling up the street to load up on cement there. 


It is a busy street and dangerous.


It is dangerous enough that there is a crosswalk, not far from the magic trail, that we use to cross that street. Seriously, folks I am one to not usually wait for green lights at crosswalks, but this street is so narrow, and the cars are going so fast, and there are so many side street tributaries that anyone really has to be careful when crossing this street. I always use the crosswalk to cross this particular street.


Usually, it's not the car that you see that is dangerous, it's the ones you don't see that are dangerous.

A rare photo of Tsutsumi Dori when there are no cars on it. Anyway, from this photo you can see that this is a narrow street and if a child jumps out onto it, and you are doing 40 mph, you can't stop in time.

I was walking behind my son as we were on the return trip. We had just come out of the magic trail and onto the side of Tsutsumi Dori. That's when it happened; not 80 meters (yards) before the red light that marks the crosswalk, my son on his small bike, abruptly made a very sharp right turn and started crossing the busy street! I couldn't believe my eyes.


My world stopped and began turning in slow motion. He entered the busy road without even a glance to his right rear where cars would be coming up, at great speeds, right behind him. Within a eighth of a second, he was 1/2 way into the lane. Even if a vehicle had seen him enter the lane, he did it so suddenly that they could have never stopped in time. I expected to hear screeching tires....


The sounds blurred. The seconds were going by as if they were minutes. I wanted to shout "Stop!" but I couldn't, he was already in the lane. I thought, "He's dead!" In slow motion, I looked behind me to my right, where I expected to see a truck or car slamming on their brakes... Never in time to stop... It would be impossible to stop.


That's when I saw what should have happened. The truck hitting my son from behind and hurtling him dozens of meters in the air and under the wheels of an oncoming vehicle... His life and the crying of my wife and her parents flashed in front of my eyes... The guilt... My fault.... 


But....... thank god....... there wasn't any vehicle there. The lane was clear.


As my son was nearing the middle line dividing the lanes... I looked towards the oncoming traffic lane and there was a motorcycle coming up at high speeds but the driver of the bike saw my son from a distance and slowed down.


I screamed!


.........


After the motorcycle passed, immediately, as fast as I could, I crossed the street and quite angrily began berating my son for crossing the street without even looking for cars... I was shouting at him furiously! He knew I was very angry and began crying. 


He crossed busy street on his bicycle without even looking! I was so angry that I could feel that I was losing control of myself. I wanted to slap him in the face but I only whacked him on the back - he was wearing a heavy jacket so it was light - but when I kicked him in the ass (literally) and kicked him pretty hard, he was bawling. I am ashamed to say that it was the third time in his life that I have ever spanked or struck him.

Japanese cement truck. See the narrow space on the right. Imagine this: The truck is doing 40. A kid abruptly turns a hard right a few feet in front of this truck. Is the truck going to be able to stop?

Last night, I was drained. I realized just how close I was to having my life turned upside down. I realized just how close I was to losing one of the big motivations and purposes in my life. I'm sure that, if he had been hit by a car, he'd have died or been permanently scarred or crippled for life.


How many seconds did we miss that one by? Two? Three?


If that had happened, I probably would have drank heavily last night and been totally useless for the next six months. I'd probably lose my job and want to kill myself. And all for what? Because of an accident that could have been avoided and because of carelessness.


Oh how close these things happen to all of us and our children everyday. I think we must all appreciate that fact. We must be thankful for the truly wonderful things we have.


This morning, I had a nice talk with my son. I told him that "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." I think he definitely understands just how lucky he was yesterday. 


I certainly do.


There are two morals to today's story. First: "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." I feel my son was given a chance (me too). Actually that's the second time something like that happened to him. The first time was when he was 4 or so, and, suddenly, without any warning, he dashed out and ran onto a busy road. I was furious then too and spanked him.


We cannot hold our children on leashes or in chains all their lives. We cannot be sure what fate awaits us or them. All we can know is that today is the first day of the rest of our lives. Let us all live for today and appreciate the things we have.


The second moral is this: Driver's remember that there are children around like my child, who, for some completely unexplained reason, will do things like jump out into traffic. If you hit one of these children, your life and the life of your family life could be ruined. 


Remember that speed limits are not targets. Slow down and drive carefully. 


If you have the time, do yourself a favor and watch this short video:

Processed Foods Cause Obesity and Cancer in Humans - Human Deaths From Cancer are on the Rise Since 1950 - Cats and Dogs Now Eat Processed Foods - Cats and Dogs Now Get Cancer….. Any Questions?

The other day a good friend told me about another acquaintance whose daughter had just passed away last Tuesday from a ten-month battle with cancer. Poor little girl. She was only eight-years-old... I have experience with dealing with childhood cancer so I can understand somewhat their suffering. May god rest her soul and comfort the parents.

......

This morning I went to the grocery store. I walked by the racks that have the processed poisons (er, I mean processed foods). I never buy that stuff. We picked up our veggies and fruits and then went to the check out counter. There, I noticed that, "Gee! The shelves where the processed human foods are sure do look a lot like the shelves where the processed cat and dog foods are. In fact, they look exactly alike!" 

If you don't pay attention closely, you might be eating your cat's dinner... It might even be healthier!

The increase in cancer deaths (even with the massive decrease in smoking cigarettes) can be attributed to many things. Some things may be difficult for us to control like the air we breathe or the location of factories from our homes.

It is easy, though, to control what we put into our bodies.

Human food. We know this isn't healthy.

It is common knowledge that processed foods cause obesity and cancer in humans (as well as many other maladies)

Deaths from human cancers are on the rise since 1950 (an increase of over 41%!)

Seriously. It's in a can or packaged at a factory, is there any question that it has all sorts of chemical goodies in it?

The diet of people in the west (Japan too) have continually been on a course of more convenience. This makes a situation whereby the consumption of processed foods increase as the years go by.


It isn't a coincidence that as more and more people eat processed foods that more and more people get cancer. Recently, more and more cats and dogs are getting various sicknesses and diseases like cancer. 


More and more people feed their animals processed foods that are causing these illnesses. I think there is a pretty easy to figure causative correlation going on here, don't you think?


Question 1: Do you think the chemicals in processed foods are safe? Do you think that chemicals can cause diseases like cancer? If so, don't you think it is a good idea to eliminate these chemicals in your diet or at least cut them down greatly wherever you can? 


Question 2: Do you think you should you be feeding yourself or your child processed foods?

My son's typical breakfast: Raw veggies and fruits: carrots, cucumbers, lettuce, cashew nuts, tomatoes, orange slices, melon slices (and two boiled broccoli). Add to this homemade raw veggie & fruit juice and 1/2 slice bread and one small sausage. Glass of bottled water. We never give him processed foods for any meal! My breakfast is all these fruits and veggies blended into juice!

Get healthy and protect your health now because the government is going bankrupt and they aren't going to be able to pay for your medical bills one day in the very near future; whether that is Japan, the United States or any of the  European nations with their massive debts. Who is going to pay for your medical bills when the government can't? Hint: Look in the mirror (it's you!)

Getting rid of all the processed foods and poisons we eat and drink is not a 100% sure-fire way to prevent cancer and diseases, but it is a pretty strong shield. And, I mean, in this day and age, why not make the best effort to cut down these poisons coming into our body? In many ways, we cannot control pollutants in the environment and where we live, but we can make a better effort to protect our bodies and our children.


It's a pretty simple equation, I think. You can do your best to eat right now or pay the price later. Your choice.


Note: My dear friend, Timo Budo wrote, "Hey buddy, I read yer rant about processed franken-food. In my case you're preachin' to the friggin' choir. You seen the flick "Forks Over Knives" ?" Here's the trailer:

Killing Butterflies (and Suffocating the One You Love)

To my lovely dear daughter, Sheena....


I'd like to talk to you all about why people take things of beauty and destroy them by putting them in cages.


When I was a 7 or 8 year old boy, a second-grader, and living in the country in Minnesota, my school class gave us the assignment to capture butterflies and bring them to school for some sort of Science class experiment. 


One of the neighborhood girls, and a classmate of mine, Paula Nelson, and I went out to capture butterflies together. Paula was a nice girl but I didn't have a crush on her like I did with some of the other girls in class.


While chasing butterflies together, we spied a large yellow beauty fluttering about the roof of my house. The butterfly lit upon the rain drainage pipes. I gathered a ladder and started to climb up in order to capture the butterfly with my net.

As I climbed, Paula started chanting, "Mike! You can do it! You can do it!" I began to swell with pride and because of this cheering began to to develop a real liking for Paula... 


Everyone wants to feel important and Paula did that for me at the time. I will never forget how I felt at that moment. Someone was truly cheering for me! I was so happy! Even though I was but a small boy, I will never forget Paula for making me feel so good about myself. I have thought about her many times over the years. I hope she found a true soul-mate and is truly happy! Thank you Paula!


In a way, capturing a butterfly and making it "mine" is also a way for children to increase their personal worth and add to their lives "treasures."


But I digress...


I neared the butterfly slowly and took up my net. Paula continued chanting. I swatted my net down upon the beautiful butterfly and... It escaped and fluttered away.


I felt defeated for a moment and felt that I had let Paula down.


A few days later, back at school, I viewed all the captured butterflies the other children brought into the classroom laying dead, side by side, in a row. Some kids had very many of them. I had failed to catch even one. As I viewed the butterflies, it dawned on me that dead butterflies were not beautiful but were actually trash.


All those wings of grace and color and dreams lying there were like a pile of old and dirty crayons: cold, lifeless and used up. Of no use to anyone or anything.  


Simply garbage.

The butterflies flying in the blue skies are actually a miracle of grace and give us, children and adults, dreams... Dreams of flying over the mountains and clouds. Dreams of being who we've always wanted to be! 


The butterflies laying still and lifeless in a cage give us death and dispair. 


For the first time in my life, I was glad that I didn't catch any of those poor butterflies. I wished I had had a time machine and could help all those dead butterflies go back in time where I could have prevented their capture and set them free.


I will never forget that experience.


When my lovely second daughter, Sheena, was a small girl of seven and a second-grader, she and her friends had some nets and were out catching butterflies in the neighborhood near Yokohama. To my great surprise they caught a very many of them and put them in a plastic, see-through clear box that had holes in the top. Even though the box was designed for insects, the holes were so small the butterflies suffocated and died....


The children had so merry a time a capturing these creatures... They were so happy that they brought the butterflies to me for my approval. But I didn't approve. The memories of my time as a child and seeing all those dead butterflies came racing back to me.


I foolishly got angry at the small children.


"These poor butterflies are beautiful and a gift from God when they are flying free. But now that you've captured them, they have died a terrible death in a box. Dead and lifeless they are not beautiful to anyone anymore. They are merely trash to be thrown away. Please, dear children, don't take these beautiful creatures and capture them. They are only beautful if they are flying free."


I learned that lesson as a small child. I was hoping that these small children would learn it too...


I was reminded again of that lesson again last night.


A beautiful girl, with dreams and visions all her own, marries... Then the husband takes her away and puts her in a cage where she suffocates.


In the cage she suffers, cannot breathe, begins to lose herself and is, of course, extremely unhappy.

The husband thinks he loves her and so he captures her and puts her away... He puts her into a cage where she languishes and eventually will become resentful and will whither and die...

Is that what the husband really wants? Does he think that this situation is really what's best for his happiness too?

When you stop to think about it, if he truly loved her, he'd make her happy and set her free. Everyone desperately desires freedom.

Why do so many men never grow out of their childhood phase?

True love between two people will come from a sympathy for each other and putting the other's feelings first... How could putting one in a cage possibly do anything but create a feeling of resentment and start tearing down the dream that was the intention at the start?

When my daughter was a small girl, she refused to come and sit with her grandfather. "Why won't she sit on my lap?" The grandfather complained to me!

I told him, "Because, when she wants to get up and go play, you won't allow her too. You hold her down so she can't leave. Let her come and go freely as she pleases and wishes to do and then, and only then, will she sit willingly on your lap." 

He followed my advice and she willingly began sitting on his lap again.

Men! Do not destroy that what you love! Do not strangle that which you want to grow. Do not destroy, hold, capture and cage!

Women! Life is short! The cage once closed is rarely opened again. If it does crack open, for even a bit, dash and make yourselves free while you can! For the chance to do so disappears as your youth and energy dissipates! Do not allow yourselves to be captured and caged! If you are caged, then set yourselves free! 

Men and women! Be free. You can be free and still share the love! Share the love every moment of everyday even when you are apart! Always understand and feel sympathy for each other. Life is short, we all have much suffering to go through. Let us not be the cause of more suffering for each other.

Life is bad enough without have those who supposedly love us being the source of our misery. Life is bad enough without those, who supposedly love us and want to care for us, putting us in a cage. 


Share. Respect. Set free! In this way, and this way only, can you build the one and only true love.


For Sheena, Julie, Wendy and Asami....

Family Members Should Never Lend Money to Each Other

“Neither a borrower nor a lender 
be,” Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet. 

“For oft loan loses both itself and friend.”

It's been a week since my father died and I've had a serious writer's block. I gather that it is self-imposed. It is self-imposed because I know that when I write, and allow myself to write whatever I want to say, this blog posting and my other writing comes quite quickly and quite easily.


Today's post should get rid of some of the writers block for me as it easy to write; it is amazing in how it displays just how stupid people can be and, on top of that, it is a true story. Those are the easiest to write for me. You just can't make this stuff up. 


This story is about one of the oldest reasons people destroy their families and lose dear old friends: Money. Specifically, lending money or "borrowing" money from friends or family.


It's one of the oldest stories in the book: a family member borrows money from a sibling and, whether the money deal goes good or bad, the mere fact that there was a money exchange destroys the family because, win or lose, succeed or fail, someone feels that they were cheated in the deal.


This is what happened to my family. 


My oldest brother borrowed money ($10,000 in the early nineties) from my youngest brother to invest in some sort of new business that the older brother was starting up. 


The business went good, if you ask my younger brother; my older brother wound up with a $64 million dollar court settlement. The business went bankrupt, if you ask my older brother, who claims that he lost all his money when the company went belly-up. So bad were the loses that he had to sue another court for copyright infringement in court. He won, hence the $64 million dollars.


It is a complicated issue. Who won? Who Lost? Did the company go bankrupt solely because of the copyright infringement or did it go bankrupt due to incompetent management? Why didn't the younger brother share in the settlement? Why didn't the younger brother even get any of his money back?


I became aware of this transaction a full year after it had already blown up in everyones face. I was living in Japan and had no idea that this deal had even occurred. One day, my father asked that I intervene in this case as it had turned into a full-fledged war. Upon discussing with both brothers, they agreed that they would abide by whatever I decided that was fair to resolve this issue.


Now, before I go on an important point is that, at this time, there had been no court case and my older brother had not yet been awarded any settlement. This is an important point to remember. Because, conveniently for my older brother, he will claim that the court case had nothing to do with the business. The younger brother claims it does.


I have a very holistic view of these things and don't like the cherry-picking idea as it seems to lend itself to selective morality in far too many cases. Dear reader can decide for themselves.


I asked that both brothers provide me with documentation about this business deal. The interchangeable words I noticed in these mails were "loan" and "investment." Soon, I received an avalanche of emails from both brothers concerning items about "who said this" or "you said that."

It was too much of a clusterf*ck to deal with, by that point. I didn't know what to do. It weighed heavily on my mind.


One night, I went to my favorite drinking place and there were two Buddhist priests there who I sometimes played Chinese Checkers with. We had a few drinks and I started telling them about my troubles with my family. These guys have always had the most calm and reasoned advice. After listening to me for a while, one said,


"I see. This is a difficult question to answer as to who is wrong and who is right. But I will say that, in spite of that, it is an ancient story that has gone on, over and over, throughout the history of mankind: A family is destroyed by money. Don't you, in the west, say, 'Never lend money to family or friends'? 


I think we can agree on is this; there are stories about families being destroyed by money and these stories are thousands of years old. I think it is too difficult to try to place blame here. But one thing we can agree on is that this situation is like a cancer eating away at your family. I suggest that it is best not to place blame, but to put things back the way they were."


I thought that was genius!


I went home and the next day I triumphantly wrote to my brothers that I had decided what the best course of action was: To put everything back. 


I told my older brother to apologize (because family should never borrow money from family) and to give back the $10,000. I told my younger brother to apologize and accept the $10,000 and never complain about it again.


My younger brother reluctantly agreed. My older brother reneged on the deal and said he would never pay back the money nor would he apologize. He claimed that he needn't apologize because the younger brother was trying to make money too. I countered that the apology wasn't for that. I said the apology was for the entire situation and causing so much trouble for the entire family. 

L'Enfant Terrible

He was adamant. He said that he would never apologize. He said, "I haven't done anything wrong, so I'm not going to apologize." Once again I said, "It's not for doing anything wrong, it's not accepting any guilt. It is apologizing for the entire mess."


He would have none of it.


That just shows how obstinate my older brother is. Imagine, you witness some old lady walking across the street. She is hit and killed by a car driven by someone else. You see her family later and they ask you what happened. Isn't it normal for most people to say, "I'm so sorry!" Of course it is. "I'm sorry" isn't an admission of guilt. It is showing some empathy for people.


On a side note, I think my older brother has a problem with serious denial and telling the truth. If this deal were such a 'great deal' like he claimed, when he first asked my younger brother for money, why didn't he invite me to join? - I had much more money than either of my brothers at that time....


But I digress....


I realized then that my older brother didn't have the money and I suspected that this excuse of not apologizing was actually a cover for not having the money. No problem. I then told him, "Look to make peace in the family and to try to fix things for our nearly 80-years-old dad, I will secretly give you the $10,000 and you give it to our younger brother. Then you say, "Sorry for the entire mess" (not admitting you did anything wrong) and hug and make up for the problems.


"If anything, do it for your dad."


He wouldn't do it. He refused. My patience with this little child was nearing an end. 


By this time, this problem had grown to crisis proportions. My younger brother had fought over and over with both my dad and older brother about this. Though my younger brother I have always enjoyed a good relationship, he was no longer speaking to either of them. My younger brother was angry that, even though he felt that he was 100% in the right, my father always took sides of my older brother.


My dad wasn't the kind of guy who would put his foot down. Had my mother still been alive, my older brother would have never been able to get away with this.


I took no sides. I just tried to make it right. (If my mom had been alive, I know what she would have said. I'd have taken her side).


I was asked to mediate. I did. I offered the $10,000 (Free. Not a loan. A gift) and asked that my older brother give the money to the younger brother and apologize. I told my younger brother that, if he gets the $10,000, to accept and to apologize too. 


My younger brother accepted the terms, my older brother refused. Time went by and, after continued fights with my older brother and father that just kept making things worse, my younger brother's heart grew harder and colder still.


Finally, I gave my older brother an ultimatum. I told him that,


"This families problems are your making. Everyone knows that you don't borrow money from family and friends, yet you did. Then, when this problem became great, you came and asked for my mediation, I didn't want to get involved, but you asked. I did it for the family. You said you'd follow my decision. But you don't.... You have no honor.


Our father is sick and would like to see peace in the family, but, in your narcissistic obstinacy, you refuse. It's been nearly ten years, you asked for my help, you lied and refused. 


This borrowing money from family and friends is an old story and we all know what will happen. Father will die someday and you will still be the one responsible for this mess.


Now, until the day you fix this problem, I have no way to force you into doing what is right. So, until you do apologize to your younger brother and fix this mess you created, I will never speak to you again." 


That was at least 8 years ago.


My father died last Saturday night on Sept. 25, 2011.


My brothers still haven't spoken to each other in about ten years.